On cars….

Rewatching Top Gear – in season 7, if you’re a fan – and was reminded that the Mazda convertible is a good car – and a great car for the price. (Clarkson agreed with Hammond so it must be true.) I’d seen a lot around town but didn’t know much about them, so was rather dismissive. Turns out, for those who know cars, it’s a nerdy but great car. Again, I think that says something about this town.  There are a bunch of economical car nerds around here.  Can’t say that’s a bad thing.

Black in a small town

I wrote this a couple of months ago and never got around to posting it, so, here tis:

Never before have I been so interested in being black. Seriously. It’s weird.

I grew up in a small, mostly white, town. My parents had friends who were white, but also many who were black. So I knew other kids growing up who’s skin would get ashy and who knew why I freaked out about getting my hair wet.

The first place I lived that wasn’t my small town was LA. Very different. Lots more Spanish everywhere. Where I was, there were far more latinos than black people. But I never felt out of place. I was just another freshman from the east coast.  (But I should also note that the campus I was on was mostly white, so maybe that says something about me too.)

Then I moved to NYC. Famously a melting pot, though it’s not quite as melty as NYC would want you to believe. I read an editorial in the Guardian (I think) the other day that made a good point – NYC has shared spaces (i.e. the trains, certain parks), but there are places that are less shared (look around the McDonalds and then look around a random East Village Thai place). I learned that I could more easily blend in certain neighborhoods (Washington Heights – Dominican; Bed-Sty – Black) than some of my friends; that I could blend as easily in other neighborhoods (the Village, Midtown) and that I had to work a bit and rely on learned behavior in others (uber fancy restaurants, Upper East Side). But I rarely felt out of place because of my skin color. When I did, more often it was because of my bank balance.

I’ve been to London, Hanoi, Saigon, Rio, Salvador da Bahia, Vienna, Athens, Prague, Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam. I’ve lived in Providence, RI. I’ve spent long periods deep in Trenton and Atlantic City as well. I’ve traveled to the American South – visited plantations in Mississippi and Louisiana. But I’ve never felt blacker in my life than I do in Ashland.

Now, this is not the kind of black that I feel when I visit family in the South, or see fields where people who looked like me spent thousands of hours in the hot summer sun.  Not the kind that says, “My soul is grown deep like the rivers.”  This is the Other kind.

My mother told me stories of when she first came to my home town. Children would come up to her in stores and rub her hand to see if the brown would come off. Many people there had never seen anyone who was black live and in person. I don’t think I really understood what that meant until I came here. The simple fact that I can’t buy stockings,
or hair products – things that I’ve always been able to get everywhere I’ve been – is a revelation. Thank goodness for the internet. How my mother did this before she could just order hair products from Amazon, I do not know.

Reading Notes from Tropical Truth

Pictures Taken, Rio de Janeiro

Pictures Taken, Rio de Janeiro 2003

Caetano Veloso, I’m reminded again why I’m a fan.  And I’m getting the history that I wanted!  Or at least some of it.

 

I’ve started “Tropical Truth: A Story of Music & Revolution in Brazil” by Caetano Veloso (again).  One of those books I’ve read half of twice.  I think because it’s so much to take in. Maybe this time I’ll make it.

 

I remember when I first really started to learn about Brazil, I was struck with the similarity between our histories. The colononlization by a European power of a much smaller geographical size, the battle with an indiginous population, slavery, exploration of the land, immigration – we really do have quite a bit in common.  Or so it would seem.  Caetano, much smarter than I, says it thus (as translated into English):

 

“The parallel with the United States is inevitable….Brazil’s case is even more acute, since the mirror image is more evident and the alienation more radical.  Brazil is America’s other giant, the other melting pot of races and cltures, the other promised land to European and Asian immigrants, the Other.  The double, the shadow, the negative image of the great adventure of the New World.  The sobriquet “sleeping giant,” which was applied to the United States by Admiral Yamamoto, will be taken by any Brazilian as a refernce to Brazil, and confused with the seeming ominious words of the national anthem, “forever lying in a splendid cradle.” (p4)

 

Why I changed the title of the blog

Not saying I won’t change it again, but for the moment it’s “We Wear the Mask.”

It’s a poem by Paul Lawrence Dunbar and was the first poem that I ever read that felt like someone was reading my mind.  And for years, it was my touchstone. It says, in part,

“Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.”

With this corner of the interweb, I’m saying in a (slightly) more public format things my friends have heard me vent about for years.   In public, I often wear my social mask, but as I get older, that mask is slipping more and more.  Perhaps not such a bad thing.  Mr Dunbar was writing in a different time than that which I live, thanks be to God, so perhaps a modification of personal habits is in order.

On Privilege…again

I’ve been watching a lot of Top Gear recently and it’s got me looking at the world in a different way…
I used to count the number of luxury cars vs the number of Priuses (Priui?) I saw on my way to work. Luxury cars defined as – Mercedes-Benz, BMW, Porsche, Lexus (for pretensions to luxury), Jaguar and any super cars I saw (and I saw a couple in one walk). The Prius won by a nose. Then I counted how many luxury cars (this time including the Prius and any other hybrid) vs trucks. The trucks won, barely.  If I tried to count the number of Subarus vs luxury makes, it would probably end in a similar result.
In Portland, if I counted the number of luxury cars vs the transients I saw…I think the luxury cars would win. By a lot.
I don’t know what to make of that. Perhaps it was a function of the neighborhoods I travelled through in there, perhaps it was a fluke of weather or a local event. In Ashland, the number seems to stay fairly constant (today I saw a beautifully restored muscle car – big fins and all).
Maybe the number of BMWs and Mercs on a city street is not a good measure of that city’s wealth. But the ratio of luxury cars to transients does seem to be a ratio of privilege.

Caught the Tropicalia bug again

(If you have Spotify – here’s some background music for the post: Prohibiting is Prohibited)
I suddenly caught the Tropicalia bug again. There’s something in that music that niggles at me – like there’s something in it I need to know but it’s just beyond. Some of that is a function of language (my Portuguese is limited, to put it nicely), some of it a function of culture and history.
Brazil is the only country I’ve been to where the culture seems so familiar and so foreign. I know so little. I feel like I should know more than I do, more should be instinctive, but I’m so far behind. Growing up, I was taught or absorbed a fair amount of European history, and basics of Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Middle Eastern, African and North American. I was taught that to be well rounded and a citizen of the world (and you should be a well rounded citizen of the world), you should know a little something of the history of it’s people.  And while a good chunk of what I was taught was from a decidedly Occidental, if not outright colonial, point of view, I felt I knew the basics of most places.  Until I got to Brazil. I realized I knew nothing.
My knowledge of the country before I went – it had been colonized by Portugal; they grew coffee and sugar cane; once a year they have a big party with a parade; there’s some ocean; and there’s a statue of Christ somewhere. If you’d asked me before my trip was planned, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you the Amazon rain forest is there.  But events? Nothing.
I learned a bit more before I went.  But facts only teach me so much….
When we landed in Salvador, I was struck by familiarity.  I saw people who looked like me, or like family. I saw food that seemed like food my family made. I felt a vibe that made sense. But at the same time, it was all new. How was that possible?
Slowly I’ve learned more – the slave trade there was different. I remember being told that families and village groups were more likely to be kept together. Language and religion from Africa survived longer. Despite those differences, I’ll bet that if my grandfather or my grandmother visited the Bahian countryside, they’d fit right in. Those things that I picked up about my own cultural history as an African American, I felt reasonate in Bahia. And yet –
I’d had no idea that there had been a military coup, no idea about the political censorship, no sense of the fights over land reforms, nada. Things that, while they may or may not have a direct impact on a modern Brasilan’s life, it’s in the culture. It’s why some things are the way they are, why some of the songs I love are what they are. É Proibido Proibir (Prohibiting Is Prohibited) is a great song, but even more meaningful when I know that it was written in a time of governmental decrees prohibiting many things.
Since I went, I’ve learned a bit more.  Much of it prompted by the music I fell in love with. What little Portuguese I know is mostly what I learned reading the Portuguese lyrics side by side with the English lyrics.  But poetry isn’t just about what the words mean – it’s also about signifiers, references, metaphors, allusions and so much of that is lost on me.
Perhaps if I listen to it long enough, and read enough, one day I’ll understand.

Privilege: Names as mountains to climb

At the moment #blackpeoplenames is trending on Twitter.  Not so long ago #whitepeoplenames was trending.  

Mass trending topics are a good reminder that there are a lot of teenagers on Twitter. Digging deep into them reminds me of all the stuff I didn’t like about high school – but I digress.

One comment that kept repeating for #whitepeoplenames was “Any name that you can find on those key chains” and for #blackpeoplenames “Any name that you can’t find on those key chains”. 

I remember as a kid going up to those bookmarks and key chains and hoping I’d find my name.  I never did, but each time I hoped and each time that familiar disappointment kicked in.  I wasn’t alone – I had a friend who had a common name spelled in an uncommon way, she never found her name spelled properly either.  

The world isn’t perfect, and never will be, but I do wonder what that does to children.  You’re told from a very young age by commerce (which seems like the world at that age) that your name is weird.  Parents say unique, kids at school say dumb.  I was lucky – mine was different but sounded mainstream enough that I rarely got teased for my name.  (In fact the only rhyme that one of my third grade classmates could find for it was lasagna, which apparently wasn’t any fun because he never repeated it.)

But what about those kids with names that are more different than most of their classmates’ names?  Or children named after a celebrated relative or whose name can identify them as the sixth generation of their family? Not to say that parents shouldn’t name their kids whatever they want (I have every intention of inflicting a family name on one of my future children that my mother would rather I didn’t), but I do think parents should at least consider what they are doing. What privileges are you giving to your child, or taking away from your child, by the name that they are given?

Each person makes of their name what they will (some people I’ve known with some names make me dislike the name…until I meet someone else with the same name who is wonderful) but some names are mountains to climb.  The least a parent who blesses their child with Mt Everest can do is also teach the child how to hike.

—————–

Privilege is still on my mind, so there may be another one of these to come…

 

We gonna get our ham…

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Hambone (see an earlier post) has been on my mind lately.  Recent events, a Roots marathon…a lot of things bring it up those ideas.  Hey Hambone – we got some ham!

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I’ve been a bit busy lately.  My grandfather passed away a week ago last Sunday.  Although it was expected (he’d been sick for awhile) and he had lived a long life (he was nearly 90), it’s still…a thing. 

So while getting back to work on this blog, I thought I’d share a story from him.  He wrote this a few years ago, I’ve just transcribed it.  As you can see, stubbornness runs deep in my family. 

In 1943 I bought a 1939 Chevy car on a Friday.  Paid cash.

That Saturday night it was two carloads of white men came to my mother’s house.  Told her to tell me to have the car back to them Sunday morning.

I did.

I asked them to return my money.  They wanted to charge me $8500 for keeping the car two days.

Remember I paid cash for the car, therefore I did not owe them anything.  When I finished talking with them, they were more than glad to return all my money.

One Saturday evening my brother Bennie and I was up town (that’s what we call it – up town).  Three white men push my brother into the street.  He came and told me.  I went with him.  He pointed them out.  I waited in a ally for them. I had piled some bricks and watch for them to come pass.  They did in about 45 minutes.  The rest [is] history.

Not long after that I came to Trenton.  My mother had just about had enough of me.  I think she thought the same thing would happen to me that happened to my Grandfather.

3 Feb 1921: Grandfather Jim was lynched because he would not dance.

The white man pulled out a gun and ordered my Grandfather to dance.

My Grandfather took the gun and shot him.

This happened three years before I was born.

 

The Numbers

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This week, I learned about The Numbers.

The Numbers is a local lottery game played in many communities.
Sometimes it’s called bolita. Sometimes the lottery. But usually,
just the numbers.

You can play a number straight. This way, you only win if the exact
number comes out.

You can box it. This way, you win if your numbers come out in any
combination (i.e. 781, 718, 871, 781)

Or – you can parlay it. (Sometimes this is called a “pairs bet”.)
This way, you play X81 – anything ending in 81 you win. Or 78X and
anything starting in 78, you win.

The numbers come out at least once a day, sometimes more.

Dream books all say something different. One book may say “You dream
of snakes? Play 683”, another may say “Play 932.”

You can look up your name – or someone else’s – in a Dream Book and it
will give you a number to play.

You can play the number of a body part (some dream books have charts for that).

Some dream books are published each year and have a lucky number for each day.

You can look up your birthday and see what numbers (or days of the
week are lucky for you). (For me – Saturdays are good. So are
January and October.) Some dream books also do horoscopes.

Sometimes the winning number is tied to the horse race. Some say the
stock market. But really, you know you won when the numbers runner
tells you you won.

Some people say you shouldn’t waste your money on the numbers. But
when you can bet a dime and maybe win a few bucks…. why not?

photo credit: vicie rolling